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Even my dreams are ridiculous

Last night I dreamed that Douglas Clegg decided that I would be the first person in his new mentoring program, even though I hadn't asked him to consider me. He told me to meet him outside some kind of freak show/street circus going on somewhere in the Bowery, and there he proceeded to school me in the mysterious and arcane ways in which one might become a successful and respected horror writer just like him. This is what he said - please take notes:

Dream Clegg: It's very simple. All you have to do is wear a black leather jacket.
Me: Huh?
Dream Clegg: It's all about the black leather. Also, everywhere you go, you have to have an evil clown posse.
Me: WTF? Wait, this is a joke, right?
Dream Clegg: Listen, I'm serious. Black leather and evil clowns. You can't go wrong.
Silence.
Me: Ok, I can probably do the black leather thing, but I really don't think I want any evil clown posse hanging around me.
Dream Clegg: Excuse me, but who's the teacher here? DON'T FUCKING ARGUE WITH ME! I SAID GET A GODDAMN EVIL CLOWN POSSE, YOU STUPID BITCH!
Me: OMG, ok, I'm sorry! I'll do whatever you want!
::bursts into tears::

Now, I've heard nothing but wonderful things about Mr. Clegg in Real Live, but he's kind of a crazy asshole in my dreams. So although I'll be looking into possibly attending his summer workshop, there'll be no more dream mentoring for me, I'm afraid. Although, I might just look into buying a black leather jacket this fall...

In other news, today I begin cutting my novelette down from 14,000 to 9,000 words. Everyone can start laughing now. Thank you.

Marine Autumn

I owe you marine autumn
With dankness at its roots
and fog like a grape
and the graceful sun of the country;
and the silent space
in which sorrows lose themselves
and only the bright crown
of joy comes to the surface.

--Pablo Neruda.


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