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L’Innommable

So, today whilst making lunch, I found a healthy and happy silverfish cavorting in the kitchen sink. Being that the kitchen is the part of the apartment which Herbert is the most overlordy of all, I had to destroy it immediately. After, I thought briefly about weeping about my shitty and demoralizing lot in life, but then I thought: hey, I haven’t given a shitty apartment update in a while, and the intarwebz needs to know! Weeping: shelved. No biggie – life will probably serve me something new and terrible to weep about tomorrow…

Anyhoodle! Since finding the first silverfish in my apartment, I’ve been steadily moving my books out of my apartment into a storage room. I’m not happy about the addition to my monthly bills, but on the other hand, this building is so rickety and unsafe, it’s probably the best kind of insurance I can have against losing everything when the place falls down in a giant heap of ant-chewed splinters and squirrel shit. (And it will. Oh yes: someday, it will.) I thought the cold weather would keep the infestation at a minimum, but since it clearly isn’t (I suspect the tenant whose apartment is monstrously filthy might be the cause of this…), I need to step up the process. I’m going to have to pretty much store every single book and piece of paper I’m not using for WIP’s, and any clothes I’m not wearing on a regular basis will have to also go. That’s just the way it’s going to have to be. I might have to get rid of my rugs, too – and, I might also have to get rid of my bed, and just sleep on the couch. There’s really no food left in the apartment anymore, due to fridge problems and ant issues, so I guess I don’t need to make any changes there with regards to my newest batch of roommates. Hey, I’ve finally started losing weight – that’s a change! This isn’t quite how I wanted to do it, but whatever. A good part of my psyche is so numbed from living here that I just can’t get all upset about any of this anymore. My life is still better than about 95% of everyone else’s on this planet, so I have no right or cause to complain. Besides, no matter what happens, my finances and decision-making processes will never be as crappy as Nicholas Cage’s. Go me!

And, it’s doubtful this will change anytime soon. Even though my lease will be up at the end of February, I have to be realistic: I won’t have enough money saved up to move, not this year or probably the next, or the next. Or the next. (If y’all knew my student loan situation, you’d crap your fucking pants – just like I do, every month!) So, for the foreseeable future, I’m going to have to dial the freaking out down and just accept that I’m going to be here as long as – well, as long as it takes, whatever “it” is. So, I guess if I have one resolution this year, it’s to be even more zen about the apartment than I thought I could be, because it’s just a couple of years in my life. A couple of horrific, joy-numbing years…

In other news! I’ll be adding a couple of new pages to the website over the following weeks – one with links to all things related to my collection, and one with links to other websites and writers. I’ll let everyone (meaning the five people who occasionally remember to look at this website…) when everything’s up.

And now, it’s off to add this item to my wishlist…

.

Originally published at Livia Llewellyn.

Marine Autumn

I owe you marine autumn
With dankness at its roots
and fog like a grape
and the graceful sun of the country;
and the silent space
in which sorrows lose themselves
and only the bright crown
of joy comes to the surface.

--Pablo Neruda.


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