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Closed for the summer…

I’ve been thinking about doing this for some time, and now seems a perfect start: from tomorrow, June 1, to September 7 (the day after Labor Day), I’m going to be offline completely. This doesn’t just mean no posts. It means: no tweets, no Facebook updates, and no comments on any of your tweets/posts/blogs, because I ain’t gonna be reading them. I’m disconnecting my online access at home, so other than checking my Yahoo email (which many of you have already) at work, I’ll be spending the bulk of the summer IRL.

There’s a couple of reasons why I’m doing this, the primary being a need to deal with what has become a rather unmanageable fight against a deep and crushing depression, which has been eating away at my life for several years now. That probably won’t come as any big shock to people who know me and/or who read my blog. Since I’ve never believed that writers (or any artists, for that matter) need to be miserable in order to be creative, I plan on fighting back. I’m tired of feeling as if I’m constantly pushing against the waves of some all-consuming ocean of darkness, so I need to start fixing it – otherwise, I will drown. And, that’s all I’m going to say about that.

I also need to work on time management – for some people, cutting out TV is the solution. I actually don’t watch that much TV, but I spend upwards of 4 hours (between morning and evening) online daily, and that’s just fucking ridiculous. No wonder I haven’t finished a novel since 2005. [::insert your well-deserved ridicule and mocking here::] So, I’m just going to nip that habit in the bud, as well as some other habits that cut into and/or hamper my writing. It’s not that I think I’m going to become some great name in literature, or even a little name – I think we all know that’s not going to happen. I’d just like to finish a few projects that have meaning to me.

There are some other reasons I’m shutting down for the summer, but they’re of the boring personal sort, not the exciting “I haz a mental problems!” sort, so I won’t bother to list them. I think mainly, I want this to be a summer in which I get things done and do things that make a difference in my life, instead of simply sitting glassy-eyed for three months in the heat (and the ant hills…), waiting for it to be over. I’m already more than halfway through my life, and I’ll never get another chance to live again, so I think it’s time to stop waiting. There’ll be plenty of time for that, and in only thirty years…

Marine Autumn

I owe you marine autumn
With dankness at its roots
and fog like a grape
and the graceful sun of the country;
and the silent space
in which sorrows lose themselves
and only the bright crown
of joy comes to the surface.

--Pablo Neruda.

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